If you failed to thoroughly read and study last month’s Advocate magazine, don’t worry – we know who you are. Please remit your $25 fine to my attention, and don’t let it happen again.
But if you were a good Lake Highlands citizen and did read last month’s issue, you learned about the retail boom currently underway in our bustling community. (Note: a “retail boom” is defined as any activity generated by a new retail establishment resulting in three or more personal shopping visits by my wife in any seven-day period.)
As last month’s reporting indicated, Lake Highlands is finally emerging from a retail time warp, during which period all of our shopping centers were frozen in time from decades ago and completely devoid of any worthwhile retail – we couldn’t even sustain a Pancho’s.
Grocery stores came but mostly went. Soon, our shopping centers began offering such attractive alternatives as driver’s-license renewal centers, pawnshops, bingo parlors, charter schools, video arcades, a cheap cigarette store, and the very upscale “Nothing’s Worth a Dollar.”
In time, very few basic retail necessities were even available in Lake Highlands. Indeed, the only family staple that managed to hold on was lap-dancing at PTs. Without it, who knows if Lake Highlands would have survived as a community!
Ah, but now the light of dawn has begun to shine on the new construction spreading across the land of the Wildcats. The sweet aromas of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Starbucks coffee emanate from the new Super Target at Skillman and Abrams, fronted by a new Burger King, with rumors of a possible Chick-Fil-A in the future. Yet another Starbucks coffee shop keeps more Lake Highlanders on their toes at Royal and Abrams. One small step for man, one great cup for Lake Highlands.
There’s a new Sonic being built at Royal and Audelia and a new McDonald’s slated to front the Tom Thumb at Skillman and Audelia. But the current mega-project underway is the new Super Albertson’s at Northwest Highway and Ferndale. I’m told that it will offer every possible service – groceries, prescription drugs, florist shop, bakery, bank, gas (but no lap-dancing) – making it possible to do all of your shopping without ever leaving your neighborhood.
With the arrival of Super Target and Super Albertson’s, one wonders if more “super” things await Lake Highlands: Souper Salad? Super Duper (copy service)? Super Grouper (seafood restaurant)? Super Neiman Marcus (drive-through convenience)? Super Scooper (ice cream shop)? Super Trouper (community theater)? Super PTs (express lanes for the lap-dancing lunch crowd in a hurry)?
It makes one excited to see what the next new establishment in Lake Highlands will be. How about a charter school in bingology? It’s not too big a dream.
