In my role as columnist here at the Lake Highlands Advocate, I truly think of myself as your next-door neighbor. SO WOULD YOU TURN THE STEREO DOWN TO A SONIC BOOM PLEASE!

Seriously, though, this is your community magazine. If it’s important to Lake Highlands, then I want to know about it. That’s why next month I will be penning the first in a seven-part series on curb-painting: Just a fad or an expression of low art?

And, of course, I’m always on the lookout for fascinating people and interesting stories involving members of our community.

For example, Herman Norquist just bought a new pair of overalls, and it’s the first time he has had pockets on both sides of his pants. Mildred Diffendorfer is starting a neighborhood group to discuss the social significance of Chia pets. The Lake Highlands High School Botany Club is staging a sit-in on the produce aisle at Minyard’s to protest the inhumane treatment of any vegetable outside the radius of the misting machines.

As you know, Spring break is just around the corner. Many of you are probably planning your annual ski trip or trip to the beach. While we all wish we could shush down a ski slope and slam into a tree or get our first really bad sunburn of the year lying on the beach next to Shamu-in-a-thong, many of us will simply have to be content with the fun and games available to Lake Highlanders right here in our own neighborhood.

As yet one more community service, your cost-conscious consumer columnist would recommend the following community activities to enjoy during this coming Spring break:

  1. Watch DART make a big mess at the old Knights of Columbus location. You’re already paying for it.
  1. Park your car at Norbuck and play a Liberace CD with your windows down.
  1. Have a garage sale and sell all of those things you’ve borrowed from your neighbors who went on a really nice trip for Spring break.
  1. Do your taxes. You’ll remember why you didn’t go on a really nice trip for Spring break.

As a devoted member of the Advocate publishing team, I want you to get to know our community better; and I want to get to know you better, too. So please send me your major credit card numbers and any juicy gossip about your neighbor.

I promise I’ll only use the good stuff. Happy Spring break!