Man! What’s the deal with this heat?

As I’m writing this column, we are in the 843rd consecutive day of 100-plus temperatures. Local weathermen have put their forecasts on automatic pilot and have gone on vacation indefinitely.

By the time you read this, we might be shivering in the 90s, but I’m not holding my breath.

I think El Nino must have turned into El Jalapeno. As soon as I walk outside, I feel like lying down on the sidewalk and being wrapped up in a flour tortilla. The heat and drought have really done a number on our neighborhood, too. Familiar landmarks have had their names temporarily changed – Lake “Frylands,” Flagpole “Grill,” and the “Great White Rock Desert.”

Ebby Halliday is now selling timeshares for the island that has recently appeared at the north end of the lake. Is the dredging operation removing silt or water?

I also feel sorry for the folks on my street. On the occasional day that I attempt to go jogging, I’ve had to do it shirtless, which has prompted several frantic reports of a UFO (“unidentified fat object”). I would take off more, but there are some things only a President is authorized to do.

But we do have some neighbors who know how to beat the heat – those crazy shirtless (and everything else-less) girls at PTs!

You might be asking yourself – why is Keffer picking on PTs again? (Because the Million Dollar Saloon asked me to.) The other reason is that it’s that time of year again when PTs has to be granted another one-year exemption to continue to operate as a gentlemen’s club in violation of City ordinance.

You might recall that, at last year’s hearing, several residents from the Cloisters, White Rock West and Merriman Park homeowners’ associations appeared in person to object to having a strip joint in their backyard. Even the Police Department testified that the exemption shouldn’t be granted.

But in another great demonstration of responsive government, the License and Appeal Board looked at PTs and saw that it was good. And the dancers performed toplessly ever after.

Well, it’s rematch time, and I say we’ve got a better team this year, we’ve worked hard during the off-season and we’re ready to give PTs another run for their clothes.

PTs’ hearing currently is scheduled for Sept. 8 at 9 a.m. in Room 4CN2, City Hall. For information, call Councilwoman Mary Poss at 214-670-4069.

Appropriate attire required.