Percy, an adorable calico kitten, went home with Libby from Channel 5 a few weeks ago. Libby has since come across some information about how to administer medication to a cat that I’m sure has proven useful. She shares this information, pulled together by Peggy Althoff, with us.

So here’s how to give your cat a pill:

  1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, as you would nursing a baby. Coo confidently: “That’s a nice kitty.” Drop pill into its mouth.
  2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
  3. Again, cradle cat in your arms, but hold its front paws down with your left hand and back paws down with your right elbow. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
  4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle.
  5. Proceed, again, with cat cradled in your arms like a baby, but also sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat’s mouth by lifting the upper jaw, and pop pill in quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won’t be able to see what you’re doing. That’s just as well.
  6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. Have a good cry.
  7. Now pull yourself together. Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming the previous position, say sternly: “Who’s the boss here, anyway?” Pop pill in, quickly.
  8. Crawl to linen closet, get a large towel, and spread it across the floor.
  9. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
  10. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
  11. Flatten cat’s front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat).
  12. Roll cat in towel. Work fast – time and tabbies wait for no person.
  13. Resume the original position. Rotate your left hand to cat’s head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges as if you are opening the petals of a snapdragon.
  14. Drop pill into cat’s mouth and poke gently. It’s done.
  15. Vacuum up loose cat fur, and bandage your wounds. Take two aspirins and lie down!