City officials have recently concluded a series of meetings to discuss possible sites for the disposal of silt to be dredged from the bottom of White Rock Lake.

In keeping with the gridlock of modern society’s inability to govern itself, after finally gaining the voter’s approval to pay for the dredging that is so long overdue, we are now paralyzed and unable to move forward with the project because no one wants the mud in their back yard.

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Apparently, all of these meetings were nothing more than the City suggesting a possible disposal site and then dodging the tomatoes and eggs hurled at City officials in a display of mild disagreement by the crowd.

Some of the more well-reasoned objections overheard were:

“I don’t want that mud near me. It’s dirty.”

“That goop has been in the lake for years. It’s wet and goopy and messy.”

“That wet sludge will increase the humidity in our neighborhood.”

“Gross! There are probably all kinds of creepy-crawly things in that gunk!”

What exactly is objectionable about silt dredged from the bottom of a lake? With the exception of possibly coming across an occasional Jimmy Hoffa or 1968 Chevrolet Caprice, what is everyone so scared of?

There was a time when silt deposited in a river’s bottomland was considered to be prime farmland.

Are there not still farms in North Texas that would jump at the chance to add this silt to their land? Are there not low-lying areas in need of fill dirt that could be helped by adding a little White Rock silt? Are there not erosional areas that could be filled in?

Surely there are dozens of beneficial uses and applications for all of this mud!

In the meantime, we can’t get out of the starting gate on this project because people figure this silt is carcinogenic or radioactive or leftovers from the movie “Soylent Green.”

Perhaps the answer lies in marketing. The City needs to suggest the myriad creative ways in which this dirt could be used. For example:

  1. Fill in the DART train tunnel under Central Expressway. (Of course, wait until all of the people are out.) 
  1. Cover the floor of Texas Stadium and plant natural turf.
  1. Fill in the 9,789,365,295 chug holes in Dallas streets.
  1. Convert Flagpole Hill into Flagpole Mountain and open a winter snow-skiing resort.
  1. Build a wall around Lake Highlands and secede.
  1. Establish a new Guinness Book world record for number of mud pies.
  1. Return the mud to the properties from whence it came. (I’ll take some!)
  1. Pile it up in the middle of White Rock Lake and turn it into another Coney Island amusement park.

See? Just use your imagination. For more ideas, call 1-800-PAY-DIRT. Like I always say: “Mud’s your bud!”