Welcome to part two of this comic(al) strip (joint story). Were it a TV miniseries, it might be titled Lonesome Love or maybe Rich Man, Bored Man.
In our last episode, a new state law had just been passed by the guys in white hats, but the guys in black hats had filed suit in federal court, and that is where our story picks up — so choose your hat color and read on.
Papers filed in court by the strip clubs (in their patriotic mission to uphold the constitutional principles first established by Jefferson, Madison and Franklin, and more recently defended by “Miss Cherry Sundae”) included the following sworn statement made by one of the strip club owners: “Constitutionally protected, non-obscene and erotic dance performances which have serious artistic merit are presented at the club, for the entertainment of its members and their guests.”
Isn’t it curious to live in a society where such idiotic statements can be made in all seriousness, and not only accepted, but also made the basis of some grand constitutional principle? Patrick Henry probably wouldn’t have become such a beloved figure in American history had his most famous declaration been: “Give me strip clubs, or give me death!”
Nevertheless, the lawsuit proceeded, with the strip clubs asserting that a laundry list of constitutional rights had been violated by this new law. In July 2005, Judge Jane Boyle decided in favor of the state, and found the law to be constitutional. The strip clubs appealed their defeat to the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals (located in New Orleans), but instead of getting a ruling later in the fall, this case — and all of southern Louisiana — got blown into calendar limbo by Hurricane Katrina.
Along the way, in a reaffirming demonstration of neighborhood involvement, the Lake Highlands community (represented by the Lake Highlands Area Improvement Association) sought legal reinforcement in the person of sexually oriented business-expert Scott Bergthold from Tennessee, who has handled similar cases around the country and has appeared before the U.S. Supreme Court. LHAIA raised money to pay Bergthold to provide expert support to the Attorney General’s office, and file a “friend-of-the-court” brief with the Fifth Circuit on LHAIA’s behalf.
Finally, in March 2007, the Fifth Circuit issued its ruling. While the court agreed with the state on just about every argument, the court did conclude that one glitch necessitated the case be returned to Judge Boyle. The Fifth Circuit decided that, even though common sense clearly indicates that alcohol and erotic dancing create a “combustible” environment, the court record still needed to cite some evidence supporting that notion (i.e., we all know the sun rises in the east, but we still need a pi