Just when you thought it was safe to release the death-grip on your wallet, here comes that band of merry men and women from City Hall who are only here to protect and serve…and spend.

Apparently, someone let it slip that you still had a few coins left over after the Arena vote and the recent visit by dear Uncle Sam. Somehow these pillars of our community discovered that you have one more mattress stuffed with a few dollars and buried in your backyard, waiting for a rainy day.

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Well, when it rains, it pours; and there is some guy named Noah knocking on your door with his hand out.

But the Arena vote is now history. Ross Perot Jr. has been leaving prank phone messages on my answering machine, making “giant sucking sounds.”

Even so, a gutsy crew down at City Hall is now “pretty-pleasin’” us to approve the largest bond package in Dallas history. Yee-haw.

I have decided that in modern American government, when it comes to annual budgets, tax increases and bond packages, no government worth its salt engages in any of these activities unless it’s the “biggest” or the “largest” or it’s “record-breaking.”

After all, who wants the “fifth-largest tax increase” or the “eighth-largest bond package” on a budget that looks about like last year’s? If it’s not the most, then people automatically suspect that you are not doing your job. Spend my money – or else.

So, here it comes: a $543.5 million bond package – i.e., one-half of $1,000,000,000! What in the world are we spending this kind of money on?

For starters, it’s $125 million for fixing potholes. That’s right; we need bond money for a basic City function like fixing potholes. That’s like borrowing money from your IRA to buy groceries. That should worry us about the operational aptitude of our City government.

The bond package also contains money for Fair Park, the Zoo, White Rock Lake, a new Police Department headquarters, a new fire station, libraries, a performing arts center, renovating the old Police Department headquarters, storm-drainage projects, and a new animal shelter. That’s a very long list of projects, most of which at least sound reasonably connected to City functions, and all of that only adds up to $173 million.

The 800-pound gorilla in this bond package is Proposition 11, which is $246 million to rename the Trinity River the “Ron Kirk Memorial Black Hole – and Entertainment Complex.”

As with most beautiful dreams, this one is tempting. But for goodness sakes, we’re having to borrow money to fix potholes! When you can barely afford to pay for your food and shelter, is it prudent to spend money you don’t have on a condo in Aspen?

I am amazed that taxpayers are even being asked this question. I’ll probably likewise be amazed at the result.

The slogan of the bond supporters is “We Love Dallas.” A more accurate slogan would be “We Love Dollars.”