{Editor’s note: We recently received the following voice transmission from Lake Highlands native and world-renowned guru, the “Great Kefilama,” who now resides on the top of Mount Esophagus and from time to time passes along to us his obversations of profound wisdom and global sagacity, as well as an occasional fruitcake recipe. We frequently remind our readers that the Great Kefilama’s writings are collector’s items and are sure to be treasured by generations to come – or come in handy as packing material the next time you more.}
Greasings and lubrications to all my faithful children in the great hydrocarbonized State of Texas. Is oil still the life’s blood of your society? Or have you finally been persuaded by your government that the only good oil well is a plugged oil well?
Our friends in Iran-amok and Iraq-up-the-dough will be pleased to hear of your environmental movement. You want the luxuries made possible by modern industry without all the muss. Instead of being received as a compliment of efficiency, the phrase “well-oiled machine” is now the likely target of EPA fines, myriad regulations, and even Reno’s Raiders. You are no longer encouraged to build a better mousetrap; rather the mousetraps you have are criminalized as animal cruelty.
Are you close to eradicating a pest? Not so fast! Eradication is prohibited under the Endangered Species Act, which is a law that provides more protection for the tuna cave cockroach than presently exists for partially-born humans. That’s a strange principle for which to fight a Revolutionary War.
And what of my children in the Highlands of White Rock Lake? I understand that a mighty train is coming to your neighborhood in an effort to either predict or perhaps, more accurately, mandate your paths. Some call it good to spend billions of dollars for less flexibility, I call it spending billions of dollars for less flexibility.
I am greatly disturbed to hear that your Baskin-Robbins store has closed down. No ice cream; how will you survive your summer a la nina?
While your ice cream stores and even Winmark – your long-lived sporting goods store – pack their bags and move away, they are being replaced by bingo parlors, charter schools and pawn shops. This does not sound healthy, unless your population is now heavily pierced and tattooed. Perhaps your community is now located on the “other” side of the DART train tracks.
Give my regards to your Councilman, “Big Al” Walne. His grandfather, Don Walne, was quite a ladies man and opened the original Herb’s Painted Body Shop. His brothers Ron, Lon and Vaughn all moved to Cannes, but John moved to Bonn. Now they’re all gone. Their insurance agent was Rob Braun. What planet am I on? Any recipes for flan?…”
{Editor’s note – At this point in the voice transmission, there was a series of hiccups followed by extended, uncontrolled, hysterical laughter. We believe the Kefilama is stable, but one can get a little choked up about being stuck on Mount Esophagus.}
