The House must be cleaned. We’re throwing a party, and The Bride desires a spotless house to show off, and thus comes up with a chore list about the size of an encyclopedia.
Now, you’re thinking: Yeah, well, renters clean their homes, too, if they’re throwing a party. And you’re right. But as a homeowner, you are forced to go all out if you’re showing off your place to friends, neighbors and co-workers.
Renters probably won’t have their porch sanded and repainted because of a party. Renters probably won’t have a patio redone, rugs dry-cleaned, rugs replaced. Renters probably won’t buy $2,359.72 worth of candles for the party.
Outside, the Professional Concrete Painters are taking glue off the front porch. It seems that a previous owner of The House once put carpet on the porch and was quite liberal in his application of adhesive. One of the Professional Concrete Painters suggests that the previous owner might have gotten a little high from the fumes and therefore no longer cared how much glue he used.
Inside, there is the dreaded list titled “Party Chores Galore and More” that The Bride and I must tackle.
Rugs must be re-arranged. Furniture must be re-arranged. The windows must be spotless (a task made harder by The Dog, who likes to let us know when she wants to come inside), the hardwood floors must shine with lemon oil until they are slick with danger, and the carpet in the den must be vacuumed until it looks new (a task made harder; see previous parenthetical information).
On the night before The Party, The Bride herself is up until 4 a.m. cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. I rise early for the final round of cleaning and the beginning of cooking.
Soon, it is 6 p.m. The party begins in an hour. There is no way we’ll be done, but fortune comes our way. Two friends, thinking the bash begins at 5, arrive early. We put them to work.
Thus the party goes off without a hitch. Guests praise the beautiful house. No one slips on the Freshly Painted Concrete Porch or the Lethal Lemon-Oiled Hardwoods. The last of the guests depart, and The Bride is saddened because of what has taken weeks to prepare for is over in hours, and we are left with 13 dishwasher loads, trash galore and more, plus smoke-stained walls from $2,359.72 worth of candles.
Once again, the House must be cleaned, which is where this all began anyway.
