They say good fences make good neighbors. But who are these people and why are they always saying things? I’ll tell you on thing: They aren’t homeowners.

Fences? Bah, humbug. Marshal Dillon can tell you that fences started plenty of range wars near Dodge City. And a fence put a damper on Steve McQueen’s day in “The Great Escape.”

Sign up for our newsletter!

* indicates required

People’s Exhibit A: Mike crawled out of his home in East Dallas one winter morning, cranked up his car and opened his garage. He backed out a few feet when the car stalled, so he fired that sucker up and got a few more feet before the engine died again. Once again, he turned the ignition, revved the engine and stepped on the gas.

Mike wasn’t really thinking. His car had backed up the first two times it stalled, and he didn’t have quite as far to go. In fact, he had no room at all. His car roared into his neighbor’s fence, knocking it down and pretty much ruining a fine morning, not to mention a fence and community relations.

It wasn’t too bad. The neighbor wasn’t overly upset once Mike agreed to pay for the damage. I don’t think the neighbor ever asked Mike for a lift to the airport, though. People’s Exhibit B: Tommy showed up for work late the other day, but he had a good excuse.

“I told my neighbor that the weeds were getting out of control in my back yard,” Tommy said, “and he said, ‘I know. They’re growing through my fence.’ I figured then that I had better do something about it.”

I assume he chopped down those 7-foot-high weeds and not his neighbor’s fence, but I didn’t ask.

People’s Exhibit C: The Bride took me to see a house she says we should buy when we decide to sell. She saw a lovely home full of character and charm where we could live forever. I saw a dilapidated fence in the back yard that would take forever to fix.

Of course, in each of these cases we’ve been dealing with security fences. I’m a chain-link guy myself. Security fences hide burglars from your neighbors. Sure, they offer privacy, but I seldom swing from our oak tree naked.

Besides, you don’t have to paint chain-link fences. Chain-link fences don’t rot. And you can lean against a chain-link fence in your back yard and talk to your neighbor, get his opinion on your dog, your latest project, your outstanding paint job on the shed. After which, you’ll probably want to head to the hardware shop and start putting up a security fence. Neighbors! Bah, humbug.

Like they say: Good fences make good neighbors.